On this, our 28th wedding anniversary, I’ve decided to write about a “real man”.
My husband, James Allen Turner, with whom I don’t need brownie points, is the subject of this post. There’s a lot of talk about what makes a real man – sadly – the media paints a sorry picture of what an authentic man truly is. Having been married to a real (not perfect) man now for almost three decades, I took it upon myself to enlighten the users of the interweb. What follows is an incomplete, yet admirable list of what I’ve observed in this domestic laboratory called, “home”.
A Real Man:
- Is faithful to his wife – no excuses – honors his vows….all of them
- is there for his kids – coaching, loving, caring, disciplining, wrestling (with the son), dancing (with the daughter), BEING THERE – SHOWING UP
- goes to work everyday at United Parcel Service – M-F – up at 4:30am – leave at 5 – home at 6PM (on a good day) – has missed, now get this – ONE DAY…seriously…ONE DAY in the past 29 years. The day that he missed? Was right after we got back from our honeymoon, 28 years ago, from Cancun (something about Montezuma’s….)
- politely – yet with a steely stare – tells the male nurse, who has pricked our screaming infant daughter’s heel for blood too many times without producing – “If you don’t get blood this time – leave her alone – do you understand me?”
- takes his family to church
- has family devotions most nights – even with groaning teenagers (Okay – sometimes the husband was groaning – and, yet – he’d get us together)
- goes and sits through a three hour color guard practice – in a hot gym – to BE THERE for his daughter who was having a rough time
- coached “pee wee” football for three years, and countless baseball teams
- drives all the way to Texas A&M (whoop!) (unplanned) on a cold winter night – to help his son
- totally cleans up his 92 year old grandfather,who had had a “bathroom” accident. James uttered no word of complaint nor disgust.
- welcomes a teenager from Spain into the home as a son -( without first meeting him) – based upon his son’s word and request. (this young man – Carlos – is truly our son now.)
- holds his children lovingly accountable when the inevitable mistakes roll in.
- doesn’t hesitate to agree when his wife asks if her mother (his mother-in-law) can come live her last days in hospice – in their home, and he helps transform the dining room into the most lovely bedroom.
- lifts his mother-in-law out of her bed, (every evening) – because she cannot walk ….before he lifts her, he whispers in her ear, “Are you ready Mimi? Time to dance.” He helps her drape her arms around his neck, and delicately, yet with incredible strength, places her softly in her wheelchair.
- encourages his wife to take a chance – quit a job that comes with a salary – to venture out on her own – because, “I believe you will succeed.”
- helps his wife put life into a raggedy office space – literally transforming it….and her
- loves his own mother – respects her – and is there when she needs him
- watches as an ambulance that carries his wife – speeds around his car – and holds his emotions together – for her, for them
- loves his wife – no matter what
The list will continue as the days, and years go by – and lastly – an authentic man?
Isn’t perfect – he’s real.
Happy 28th Anniversary James, “…for richer for poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, ’til death do us part.” With gratitude and love, Kate